The Dangers of Drinking
by HotCrossPigeon
Summary: Jack gets into some trouble in Tortuga, and it's not the usual kind! He really should have watched his drink... Just a funny poem about Jack and his drunken mishaps...


_I call it, THE DANGERS OF DRINKING._

_Some pointless funny rhyming for you, please review!_

…

…

In a dusky-lit pub in Tortuga,  
Jack sparrow was drinking some rum,  
It wasn't his first or his second that night,  
And the world was beginning to numb,

After giving the usual impressive tale,  
To his fellow booze-sodden men,  
He knocked back a couple more mugs of rum,  
'Til the count easily surpassed nine and ten,

Jack winked at a particularly pretty and blonde,  
Young girl with a rather large chest,  
There were plenty other women on offer,  
But he didn't have eyes for the rest,

There was something different about this one,  
But he couldn't quite guess what it could be,  
His befuddled brain soon gave up trying to think,  
He'd have to just wait and see,

He wondered how to get her attention,  
Maybe ask for her companionship that night,  
And then a sudden sly grin, wormed its way to Jack's chin,  
Oh he had a plan all right,

"'ey luv," he said intelligently,  
Holding up his mug in welcome,  
"Get me another drink would ye?" he slurred,  
"I would but I'd fall on me bum."

The 'Luv' smiled at him, and replied deeply,  
"How about you call me Maria?"  
Jack grinned, "Maria it is. My names Captain Jack."  
He motioned her forward, eyes fixed on her rear,

Maria fluttered her eyes, and got him a mug,  
Which she placed into his hands with a smile,  
Jack watched her well toned arms flex as she did so,  
He was starting to enjoy her style,

"I like a girl with muscles," he growled,  
A finger flirtily twisting his hair,  
Then with a whisper quietly in Maria's ear,  
Asked if she'd accompany him upstairs,

I'm sure you can imagine the antics they got up to,  
Until the wee hours of the morn,  
A considerable amount of neighbours were woken,  
Wood broken, and several clothes torn,

The next morning came too early,  
And Jack woke with a head that spun,  
But still managed to run like hell was on his heels,  
When he realized what he'd done,

He had groaned comfortably and rolled over,  
Something hairy gave him a bit of a surprise,  
He followed it back up to a body,  
And decided now would be a good time to rise,

He pulled back the divan covers,  
And with a grimace got out of bed,  
He managed to pull his boots on,  
Grabbed his shirt, and then turned and fled,

Hopefully he'd make it to the pearl in time,  
And cast off with no one the wiser,  
As he reached the ship he whispered silent thanks,  
That he was an early riser,

When Gibbs turned to see his Captain,  
Hurry aboard he'd never have guessed,  
That something was wrong if it hadn't been for that limp,  
And Jack's peculiar state of undress,

"Captain is something wrong?" he asked,  
"Not in the slightest," Jack had replied,  
"Now if you ever ask me that question again,  
I'll have you tossed over the side."

Gibbs nodded hastily, averting his eyes,  
Seeing that Jack was being serious,  
The captain was looking quite sober for once,  
Not even a little delirious!

Turning away from his thoughtful First Mate,  
Jack glimpsed someone over the bow,  
Oh god it was that wench he'd shared his bed with,  
What on earth was he going to do now?

"Way anchor!" he yelled, "Get her cast off!  
I want us to leave as fast as we can!"  
The crew reasoned he'd gotten in a spot of bother,  
And decided it would be best if they ran,

A cry of "Hey, Jack, wait for me!"  
Had Jack trying to wring his own neck,  
As the woman he'd been trying to avoid,  
Climbed lightly up onto the deck,

It was obvious now in the daylight,  
That this woman was more than he'd thought,  
The look on Gibbs' face was priceless,  
The look on Jack's ill and distraught.

Gibbs couldn't help his mouth flapping open,  
As Jack's face blushed a bright pink-tinged red,  
So that was why the Captain was acting odd,  
He'd spent the night with a eunuch called Fred.

…

…


End file.
